I have a lot to make up for. I dont know why I am the way I am, or why I do the things I do.

I had my heart broken so many times. And I know that it takes time to heal, but what happens when time seems to stop? I feel like I’m not healing. I’m still crushed. I still feel like I’m not good enough. I still cry about it, and think about it every day but I’m afraid to bring it up because you just yell at me. What do I do to feel good enough? How do I get over it? Forgiving you for that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I always told myself if I was cheated on, I would never talk to that person again. I know there is more to the story between you and her. I know that you did more than what you have told me. Part of me doesn’t want to know, where the other part of me distrusts you completely for that. And you don’t trust me.

So where do we stand? When I’m with you, I’m the happiest I could ever be. I love being around you, doing things for you, having fun with you and laughing with you. But when we are apart… Neither of us trusts the other and it destroys us.

How the fuck is this supposed to work? I’m so scared. I don’t want to give up. I don’t want to be apart.

I love you.